Raising a Human Being

why we should be kind

and more than kindness is the deeper structures of love. I remember believing that my Mother and Father loved me. This was when I was very young. As I got older I understood they had pressures and their own mental health to deal with.

I was not courageous. I was dependent physically and emotionally. However I was not confident that I had worth in the larger world.

It was a time (50’s) when confidence was not valued in peoples’ personalities unless they were in a position of power, like Winston Churchill. Good and bad were clearcut notions mostly interpreted by teachers, ministers and police.

A child was either going to be a success or failure, somebody or nobody, and one stain would change our future.

Then in our social sphere, being nice was not effective. Bullies intended to hurt others, so for maintaining a little dignity you had to hide whatever pain you were feeling. To break down and cry seemed like social erasure. Throw yourself on the garbage pile. You’re done.

How did we get to this? WWII? Patriarchy? Capitalism? Or all of these combined?

Much later I learned of strong intelligent women and men. Heroes. But there was also the feeling that we were civilized. We being all of us. Students, parents, teachers, Prime Ministers. That our civilization had solved the problem of bad behaviour (that was not good for the majority).

I was not aware of how we treated the original people in countries we claimed we discovered.

Over the years my heart has shrunk from all the cruelty perpetuated in the cause of “discovery”. The history of the country I was born into. The parents I expected to take care of me. The elders in church and government. And most of all my inability to “be a success”!

All of these things were just things to an isolated “ego competing for the most of what” she wants. Love was too intimate to distribute to the commons but it was the shelter of a modern life.

Love is the air I breathe, the smiles from those who care, and the basis of the neighbourhood. It’s neither feminine or masculine. It is the soil and the air of my life.

On what could I build my self esteem?